Poor Dog

My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night.

“I’ve cooked dinner,” she screamed, “And if you’re not home within 20 minutes I’m going to feed it to the dog.”

“Woooah! That’s bang out of order!” I said, “It’s not his fault.”

Bad Food

My wife wasn’t impressed with the restaurant I’d chosen for our anniversary meal.

“There was a cockroach in the toilet,” she said.

“Oh come on.. A cockroach doesn’t necessarily mean their food is bad.”

“Really?… Well this one was throwing up.”