Theft

Teacher: Why are you late to class?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.

My son is three-years-old and yesterday I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.

Now, I didn”t buy it and he certainly didn”t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping centre – and went to the jewellers.

A police officer asks a thief, “Why did you steal this stranger’s watch?”

The thief replies, “I didn’t steal it — he gave it to me!” The policeman asks, “When did he give it to you?” The thief tells him, “When I showed him the gun.”