I’d give anything to sink this putt

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. “Boy, I’d give anything to sink this putt,” the golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers,

“Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex life?”

Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, “Sure,” and sinks the putt.

Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, “Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one.” The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, “Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?”

Shrugging, the golfer replies, “Okay.” And he makes an eagle.

On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, “Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?”

“Definitely,” the golfer replies, and he makes the eagle.

As the golfer is walking to the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, “I haven’t really been fair with you because you don’t know who I am. I’m the devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life.”

“Nice to meet you,” the golfer replies, “I’m Father O’Malley.”

Mother of Six

Jethro, an Alabama redneck husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife, “mother of six” rather than by her first name, Bobby-Sue. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. …

But a few years down the road, Bobby-Sue has grown tired of this. “Mother of six,” Jethro would say, “What’s for dinner tonight? … Get me a beer!” She got very frustrated.

Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly calls out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!”

Bobby-Sue immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”

500 Page Book

At the local Mental Hospital :

Doctor: – “What is this?”
Mad Man: – “This is a book I wrote. Total 500 pages.”
Doctor- “You wrote 500 pages?!… woooooow, What did you write?”
Mad man: “On the first page I wrote One day a King rode on a Horse and went towards the Jungle.
And on the last page I wrote The King reached the Jungle.”
Doctor:- “So what did you write in the remaining 498 pages?”
Mad Man:- “I wrote;
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik…. tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik….
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik….
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik….
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik….
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik….
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik….
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik….
Tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik.
Tigdik tigdik tigdik
tigdik tigdik. Tigdik
tigdik tigdik tigdik tigdik….
tigdik tigdi
tigdik…
Doctor :- (stunned) “AND what’s that????!!!!!”
Mad Man:- “That’s the sound of the Horse running…The hooves digging the terrain.”
Doctor- “AND Who will read your story?”
Mad Man: “I will post it on the joke cafe site. My mad friends there will definitely read it…they’re all fucking idiots, in fact one of them is reading it even as we speak!”

hamshank

A 13 year old lad says to his 13 year old girl friend, “Toss me off”. The girl says “I don”t know how – what do i do?”The lad says “imagine your shaking up a bottle of coke like when you were younger”.The girl starts doing it and a couple of minutes in, her boyfriend has tears rolling down his cheeks. The girl says “What”s wrong?”The lad replies “Take your fucking thumb off the end of it”