Abstract Art

A little boy was taken to a exhibition of abstract art by his mother. She pointed to a painting and said, “That’s supposed to be a man on a horse.”

The little boy replied, “Well why the fuck isn’t it?”

Zen in 10 easy steps

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just fcuk off and leave me alone.

2. No one is listening until you fart.

3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

4. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

5. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have the fcuker’s shoes.

6. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

7. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

8. Don’t worry; its only kinky the first time.

9. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

10. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our asses—after that, things just get fcuking worse.