My uncle always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” One day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my uncle.
I was standing by a public urinal when a guy came and stood next to me. He looked down at my penis and said, “I wish I had one that size.” “Oh yeah?” I said, with an air of confidence. He said, “Yeah, then my wife might leave me.”
Today I asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year’s resolution was. She said “fuck you”. So I’m pretty excited about 2018.
Meghan Markle is rumoured to be spending Christmas with the Queen. Followed by New Year with Princess Diana.
I have OCD which severely affects my sex life. Every time a girl gets turned on, I turn them off again.