Not What You Think

I was in the park today when a woman came up to me and said, “Are you taking photos of my daughter on your iPhone?”

“Yes I’m taking photos of her,” I replied, “But it’s not what you think.”

“So what is it then?” she asked.

I said, “A Samsung Galaxy.”

Barmaid Job

A pub landlord is interviewing three women for a barmaid job.

He asked one question. “you’re behind the bar and you notice a £10 note on it what would you do?”

The first one says” If no one claims it i’d put in the tips glass”.

The second one says “If no one claims it i’d put it in the charity box’.

The third one says “If no one is looking i’d put it straight in my purse”.

Which one does he give the job too?

The one with the biggest tits.

Human Trafficking

A flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. “Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!

There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, and the man she is with, is a fat old slob who looks like a sexual deviant, mean and dangerous!”

The captain responds, “You must be new here. This is Air Force One.”

Letter From God

A very poor man decided his last resort was to write a letter to God. His family was going hungry. He was behind on all of his bills. He became unemployed, and started to grow ill. He wrote “Dear heavenly father. I’ve no other resources. No other place to turn. I don’t ask for much. I really just need $1500 to catch up on my mortgage. Amen.”

So the mailman came by and picked up his letter addressed to God. Got a kick out of it and decided to open it up with his coworkers. They felt bad for the poor man and decided to scrounge up some money to help the old guy out. They mustered up about $1000 bucks and dropped it in his mailbox in an envelope.

The next day the find another envelope addressed to God. They open it up and read “Thank you God so much! I knew we could count on you. Just an observation: Next time don’t send it through the post office. Those darn bastards took $500.”