Two Dwarfs

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of ‘Here I come again …ONE, TWO, THREE…UUH!’ all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, ‘How did it go?’ The first mutters, ‘It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get a hard on.’ The second dwarf shook his head. ‘You think that’s embarrassing?’ ‘I couldn’t even get on the fcuking bed

2 Lips & 7 Kisses

There was this old woman who heard a song called Two Lips and Seven Kisses. She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, Do you have Two Lips and Seven Kisses?
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!
So the woman asked, Is this a record?
To which the man replied, No, its average!