I’m Hard

A man buys a parrot from a pet shop, and the shop owner warns him the parrot is from London and thinks he is a hardcore hooligan. For four days straight, the parrot is screeching, “I’m hard as fuck,I’m from London” and “What you looking at, you cunt?”

The man, sick of this, wants to teach the parrot a lesson so he puts a crow in the parrot’s cage and goes to bed.
In the morning he finds the crow dead and the parrot screeching, “I’m hard as fuck, I’m from London.” So the man decides to put a big seagull in the cage with the parrot. He comes back down in the morning to find the seagull dead and the parrot chanting, “I’m as hard as fuck, I’m from London.”

This time the man thought, “Fuck this!” and put a giant bald eagle in the cage. In the morning he looks at the cage and finds the eagle dead and the parrot with no feathers. The parrot looks at him and says, “I had to take my jacket off for that cunt!”