guaranteed penis enlargement

I got an e-mail advertising guaranteed penis enlargement for £1.99. I clicked the link, entered my details and the bastards stole my identity and cleaned out my bank account.
Still, it sort of worked. I feel a massive prick now.

Hello Alexa

HOUSEWIVES: Save money on expensive gadgets by changing your name to Alexa and obeying random instructions from everyone in your household.

Walking Economy

I just realised, I’m a walking Economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of the two is putting me into a deep depression!