Blonde in B.C.

I was driving my soon to be hot blonde girlfriend down the highway to victoria yesterday. She looked at the car beside us and said they must be from a foreign country. I looked at the plates and it said beautiful british columbia.
I played along and said why do u think theyre from foreign country. She said well the little boys in the back seat are writing in the window and it says: STIT  RUOY  SU  WOHS.

Later that night we were in the hotel room and she said her boobs are so small and she wanted to get a boob job. So I said my hands are so small. U should give me a hand job

Not Getting any tonite

It was cold and pouring with rain but the boy’s mother insisted he go and feed the animals on their freeholding before he could have breakfast. The boy went out in a dark rage, kicked the chickens, punched the cow and threw water all over the pigs. When he got back inside his mother was furious. “How dare you!” she fumed. “For that you get no eggs because you kicked the chickens, no milk because you thumped the cow and no bacon because of the way you treated the pigs.” Just then, dad came down the stairs and nearly tripping over the cat, he gave the animal a mighty kick. The boy turned to his mother and said, “Are you going to tell him or shall I

Whats a bitch ?

“Mummy, mummy, what’s a pussy?” asked the small boy. His mother went to the encyclopaedia and showed him a picture of a cat. “That’s a pussy,” she said. “Mummy, mummy, what’s a bitch?” continued the little boy. Again, mother consulted the encyclopaedia and showed her son a picture of a dog. But the boy wasn’t convinced so he went to his father and asked him what a pussy was. Dad went to his magazine, opened it at the centrefold and drew a circle. “There you are, son,” he said, “that’s a pussy.” Then the little boy asked him what a bitch was and dad replied sadly, “Everything outside the circle, son

Larry

Who the hell is ‘Larry’??? Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and,
Linda , his wife says,’where the hell have u been?’
Larry replies, ‘I was out getting a tattoo.’
Linda frowning: ‘A tattoo? what kind of tattoo did u get?’
Larry: ‘I got a Hundred dollar bill on my private’.
Linda shaking her head in disgust: ‘what the hell are you thinking? why on earth woud an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his private?’
Larry: ‘Well one, I like to watch my money grow. Two- once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, u can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.’