No way in hell

A young lady came home from a date rather sad. She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”
“Then why are you so sad?” asked her mother.
“Because he told me he’s an atheist. Mum he doesn’t believe there’s a hell,” she replied.
“Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is!” said the mother.

Newly Weds – Pants dont fit

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.”
The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”
He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!”
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!”
He replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”
“And you never bloody will if you don’t change your attitude.”

Lady & The Parrot

pollyA lady went to the store to buy a parrot and asks the salesman
“What’s so special about the parrot ?”
Salesman ” this parrot can talk”
So the lady asks the parrot ” how do I look?”
The parrot replies ” you look like a fcukin slut?”

The lady gets pissed off and tells the salesman that its a very rude parrot and she cannot buy it. The salesman tells her to wait for 2 mins. and takes the parrot to the back of the store and shoves the parrot into a bucket water. When he pulls the parrot out he says “if you disrespect the lady out there ill soak you in water again” and takes the parrot back outside

The salesman asked the lady to ask the parrot another question
Lady: “if I come home with one man what would you think?”
Parrot: “he’s your husband”
Lady: “2 men”
Parrot “your husband and his brother”
Lady: “3 men”:/
Parrot: “your husband his brother and your brother”
Lady :”4 men”
Parrot: “bring the fcuking bucket of water I already told you she’s a slut

Call a friend

Husband and wife are in bed watching “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”.

The husband asks for sex. The wife says, “No.”

Her husband asks, “Is that your final answer?”

She responds, “Yes.”

He says, “Then, Id like to call a friend.”