Best WhatsApp Status

1000 of the Best WhatsApp Status Updates

  1. In high school I was voted “most likely to succeed”. Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!
  2. Why is it I can’t get mobile reception sometimes, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?
  3. I already want to take a nap tomorrow
  4. Women always say they can do whatever a man can do. I bet they can’t tuck their balls between their legs.
  5. Remember Ladies, blowjobs are flowers for men.
  6. I’m pretty sure there’s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED…..
  7. I don’t know if my stomach is growling cuz I’m hungry or if that’s my liver crying cuz it’s the weekend.
  8. Woman’s tongue & Man’s eye. Rest Only when they die.!
  9. The secret to life – Replace one worry with another.
  10. This single life is great, I just need someone to share it with.
  11. I watched my first anal porn scene the other day… Wow, I just can’t get over how skinny I looked back then !!
  12. The best time to give kids advice is when they’re still young enough to believe you.
  13. It’s a good thing most mens rooms have changing tables because sometimes I need to lay down after I poop.
  14. Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were f*cked before you got there.
  15. I was counting sheep but those little b@stards started talking to me and now I REALLY can’t sleep. Plus, I’m high.
  16. if anyone wishes me “May the 4th be with you!” one more time. He’s gonna get a kick up his wookie.
  17. Irony = People complaining on Facebook one day about their problems and the next day telling people to mind their own business.
  18. “I’m not mad. Why would I be mad?” – girls who are mad
  19. I can’t take this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you are coming to my room.
  20. I know two wrongs don’t make a right. My life has been a never ending quest to determine just how many are required.