Best WhatsApp Status

  1. Best friends have Conversations impossible to understand by other people…
  2. LIFE TIP: Next time you do something illegal, look serious and carry a clipboard.
  3. Some say imaginary friends are for crazy people. Please tell me about Facebook again.
  4. Oh you got “Swag”? I bet that looks great on your application to McDonald’s.
  5. My wife told me she was seeing a psychiatrist. That’s ok, I said; I’m seeing a nurse, a fitness instructor and a college student…
  6. My dog was starting to take my love for granted so I made her watch one of those really depressing ASPCA animal abuse awareness commercials. This morning she washed my truck and took out the trash.
  7. I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without pointing it at myself and saying “there´s one.”
  8. When a job interviewer asks, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”, it’s a test to see if you own a time machine.
  9. If you aren’t pissing off at least 10 people a day, you aren’t trying…
  10. Thanks to Jersey Shore, Crayola has a new color….Whorange.
  11. Just spilled a drop of my 5 Hour Energy Shot…I’m thinking 4 hours and 4 minutes now.
  12. Before you judge me, know that I don’t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
  13. How the hell do you look important walking around a clipboard factory?
  14. Gynecologists looking for a cool nickname, please remember Rug Doctor is a registered trademark.
  15. While you were busy judging others you left your closet open and your skeletons fell out.
  16. When I was little I didn’t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious that my parents didn’t care either.
  17. Money :::: humans are the only species that have to pay to live on earth..
  18. Apparently I offended a midget with one of my jokes. I told him to grow up.
  19. I gave my wife a glue-stick instead of chapstick last weekend and she’s still not talking to me.
  20. A dog asks a cat “How come I’ve never seen you cats making love in public?” The cat replies, “Do you want humans to steal our style like they did yours?”