THEY’RE over THERE worrying about THEIR grammar, while YOU’RE right here concerned with YOUR punctuation. YOU’RE welcome TO share this, TOO.
I can’t believe so many “singles in your area are dying to meet” me. It’s probably all of the I-pads I’ve won.
Unless you’ve figured out how to air condition your yard, don’t invite me to your June or July outdoor weddings.
No, go ahead. Have a conversation under my status update with someone that has nothing to do with my status update. I wanted to un-friend some people today anyway and it till make my decision that much easier on who to get rid of.
The world would be a much cleaner place if we just gave blind people brooms instead of canes.
because you’ve invested so much time in the relationship.
I don’t get why women spend so much money on sunglasses…it would be way cheaper just tinting the kitchen window
I was on the treadmill for over an hour today. Tomorrow I might even turn it on.
16 and pregnant? What about 18 and graduated ? 22 and successful?
If the Zombie Apocalypse doesn’t start out like the dance portion of the Thriller video I’m going to be pissed………..
If she can string a sentence together while you are f*cking her, you’re not doing it hard enough.
My girlfriend says she’s going to leave me for being too impatient. I can’t wait.
Facebook seems like the best place to come out of the closet. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
I’m sorry that I blocked you while I was drunk last night…….. but I couldn’t figure out how to do it while I was sober. I hope you understand.
I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
Dear girls who take a pic in slutty clothing & glasses & label the caption “nerddd lol” You’re not a nerd, you’re a w$ore who found glasses
I’m planning a trip to the Virgin Islands. Trust me.. when I get back, you can just refer to them as the Islands.
One loyal Girlfriend is worth more than one hundred hoes..
I finally got it all together… but I forgot where I put it.
Sorry I offended you when I called you a slut. I had no idea you thought it was a secret.