Best WhatsApp Status

  1. I’ve never been skydiving,, but I’ve zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.
  2. I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life..
  3. I love being in that mood where everything is hilarious!
  4. Religion and Politics are much the same in that we block out everything except the parts we feel personally benefit us.
  5. Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
  6. I love it when a girl tells me she is not a slut and then 2-hours latter I’ve got her feet behind her ears while screaming my name.
  7. How do I get my husband to clean? I tell him I might be bringing home a girl for a threesome.
  8. In awkward situations, we all pretend to text.
  9. I pirate so many songs & movies that I should download a boat
  10. I just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
  11. Horror movies don’t scare me. Five missed calls from my mother scares me.
  12. I wish I had Kim Kardashian’s talent of not having any talent and making money out of it.
  13. Whenever you think your job sucks, remember; At least you’re not the guy, at Instagram, that has to search for and delete all the d!ck pics.
  14. Ladies, stop saying “All Guys are the same”…all the guys YOU LIKE are the same, don’t blame all of us because you’re into douche-bags.
  15. If you allow your children to run around a restaurant unattended, and I am in that restaurant, I will teach them curse words and racial slurs.
  16. “RED BULL GIVES YOU WINGS, BUT WHISKEY GIVES YOU BALLS!”
  17. Nobody cleans a house faster than a guy expecting sex.
  18. Gonna drink till I’m pretty.
  19. As far as distractions go … I like to think I’m a good one.
  20. O.J. Simpson is claiming that Khloe Kardashian is his daughter. He makes the claim in his new book called “The Only Thing I’m Ashamed Of.”