Best WhatsApp Status

  1. I wish there was a ” like” button for texting.. so when I run out of things to say I can just ” like” their last txt and be done with it!!
  2. The Royal family are said to be “disappointed” over a French magazine publishing pictures of Kate Middleton topless. Me too, they’re tiny.
  3. According to my wife, the only time I’ve ever been right was when I said I was wrong…
  4. My wife wants me to teach her about Facebook. The first lesson is easy. You send me a friend request, I accept and immediately delete and block you and we all live happily ever after.
  5. My wife says I should read the book before watching the movie. So when I play the movies I just put the subtitles on and watch and read at the same time.
  6. My art teacher asked me to draw a chameleon… I submitted a blank page.
  7. I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
  8. I really cant walk the walk or talk the talk. But if you need someone to drink the drink, I am your girl.
  9. I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
  10. I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
  11. Your baby might be adorable, but so is my cat and she cleans her own ass.
  12. There should be a website where emotionally void sociopaths can form fake relationships to mask the desperation of lonely lies they tell each other.
  13. If your religion is worth killing for, then do us all a favor and start with yourself.
  14. “What have I done?!!…. EVERYBODY RUN !!” -Creator of the boomerang
  15. When I die, I want my ashes thrown in the face of everyone I ever knew for not working harder to find a way to keep me alive. Jerks.
  16. We scream at each other, we don’t have sex and I’m always in trouble for $hit I didn’t do. This isn’t a friendship. .This is a fcuking marriage!
  17. There’s a special place in hell for people who don’t provide access to alcohol at children’s parties.
  18. “I don’t want to talk about it, so I posted some lyrics for you to decipher about how it’s your fault.” ~ girls
  19. I’m not crazy, but I was once abducted by aliens. They interrogated me. I didn’t understand anything. I don’t speak Spanish
  20. I would definitely arch my back for you.