Best WhatsApp Status

  1. I love looking up at a guy when I’m giving him head. Once we lock eyes, and I smile, I own your ass.
  2. The perfect woman: 1. Beautiful but doesn’t let it get to her head. 2. Intelligent without needing to prove it. 3. Funny as hell.
  3. Talk about the the 7 Dwarfs, I have: “Not me”; “Don’t know”; “Wasn’t Home”; “Not Mine”; “Didn’t use it last”; “Haven’t Seen it” & “I’m Not Doing It!” living with me
  4. I don’t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
  5. Vodka…deleting memories since…uhh…
  6. I have a step ladder never knew my real ladder..
  7. I have a bad case of the Mondays only it’s everyday and it’s called existence.
  8. I’ll pretty much sleep with anyone on the first date if their emails have good spelling, punctuation, and grammar.
  9. If I never use a smiley face in any of the texts I send you…’s safe to say I don’t like you.
  10. Only dogs go for bones, Real men go for curves.
  11. Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.
  12. Success stops when you do.
  13. I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
  14. Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
  15. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do…and a woman’s gotta do what he can’t.
  16. LIKE if this is your nightmare…Tries to search for your crush on Facebook. Accidentally sets his/her name as your status.
  17. The words that make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life = “I need to talk to you.”
  18. I’m an okay dancer until I whip out the finger guns, then I’m just majestic.
  19. Movies are so unrealistic. This guy’s using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.
  20. I would like to remind everyone it’s not the size of the boat… Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passengers have gotten off.