Best WhatsApp Status

  1. I just cleaned out my car, and to anyone whom I’ve ever accused of stealing my lighter, these 47 lighters and I would like to apologise
  2. Screw all of this “working hard”…I might as well become a pornstar.
  3. LIKE if you hate when you… say something funny & then someone says it louder & gets the credit.
  4. That epic awesome moment when you drop something, and then catch it mid-air.
  5. Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they’re telling me that I’m doing a great job driving.
  6. I just read through my Facebook feed… A moment of silence for proper spelling and grammar. RIP
  7. Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called “Tomorrow”.
  8. IF you had to choose between your wife and winning the lottery… What kind of car would you buy 1st?
  9. I love the power of the disapproving head shake.
  10. I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
  11. The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
  12. Relationship Advice: The person with the longest text message response time has the upper hand.
  13. Monica Lewinsky is writing a tell-all book. I bet it’s going to suck.
  14. Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
  15. Hi I’m hosting a charity disco and raffle on sat 29th September to raise money for people who struggle to orgasm. If you can’t come let me know, cheers.
  16. My opinions are my wife’s, and she says I’m lucky to have them.
  17. Mentally preparing yourself to step out of the shower during winter.
  18. There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
  19. When God closes a door, He usually makes sure my fingers are in it.
  20. If girls were as nice to each other in real life as they are in Facebook comments, the world would be a different place.