Best WhatsApp Status

  1. When I have money, I have nothing to buy. When I don’t have money, I want everything.
  2. I’ll act my age when I’m 69.
  3. The best way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
  4. For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
  5. 30 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom?” “Well son, your mom just had the hottest profile pic so I had to friend request that.”
  6. Everyone has one friend that they secretly hate.
  7. *Year 2050* Son: “Dad how did you meet mom?” Dad: “Aaah my son… It all started with a Poke on Facebook”.
  8. Being broke has shortened my wife expectancy.
  9. I fell down the stairs today, and may never walk again. I wasn’t injured, I’m just really lazy.
  10. Queen Latifah says she’s a lesbian? I was as surprised as every one else that she was a chick.
  11. Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids.
  12. Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
  13. No working during drinking hours!!
  14. To a man, the sweetest sound on Earth is the sexual moan of the woman he’s pleasuring!
  15. ‎”Till Death Do Us Part” should just be changed to “Till Sh!t Happens” during the wedding vows, coz people don’t wait for “Death” anyways.
  16. Sometimes stapling water to a tree is much easier than convincing an idiot.
  17. That awkward moment when someone takes your joke way too seriously.
  18. A smile is a language that even a baby understands.
  19. By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you: deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass b*tch.
  20. LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.