Best WhatsApp Status

  1. One of the most important things I’ve learned in life is to have at least one person with whom you never need to explain yourself.
  2. Not feeling pain does not make you strong. Strength comes from feeling pain, dealing with it, getting over it and moving the fcuk on.
  3. If you’re in line at the grocery store with your new iPhone5 and you pull out food stamps, don’t be surprised when I slap that phone out of your hand.
  4. Whenever I meet somebody who has a kid, they have to show me a photo of their kid. But then when I show them a photo of me to show to their kid, I am weird.
  5. People who slow down instead of getting out of my way underestimate my willingness to commit vehicular assault.
  6. The 5 symptoms of Laziness. 1.)
  7. It was only after I started dancing in the food court – alone – that I learned flash mobs are planned…
  8. Abracadabra!! ………Nope. Your still a fcuktard.
  9. Don’t look back, you’re not going in that direction.
  10. If some people took parenting as seriously as they took training their dogs, there would be a few less screwed up individuals in this world.
  11. I don’t want a girlfriend because the only thing worse than being lonely is sharing food.
  12. One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn’t Nintendo.
  13. My Dr told me to start my exercise program slowly, so today I drove past a store that sells sweatpants..
  14. Confidence is sexy, no matter who you are. Just don’t overdose on it, nobody likes an arrogant prick.
  15. I never called you stupid dear. But when I ask you how to spell Mississippi and you ask the state or the river…it kinda caught me off guard!
  16. Grammar died so that Facebook could live.
  17. They key to forgiving somebody is to remember that sometimes, you’re an asshole, too.
  18. I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
  19. We have rappers who used to be pimps and gangsters telling us not to download music because it’s stealing..
  20. Angry people who can’t take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to those of us who can.