Best WhatsApp Status

  1. No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
  2. If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
  3. Please forgive me, I got excited copying and pasting your status that I forgot to like it.
  4. Tough times don’t last but tough people do.
  5. I’m the most responsible person I know. Whenever anything goes wrong, I’m responsible.
  6. The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
  7. People that wear sunglasses inside, have to…….because it’s always sunny in Doucheville.
  8. There anything lamer than sharing a FB profile with your wife?? Grow some effing balls or come out of the closet already…
  9. I’m going to retire and live off my savings. What I’ll do the second day, I have no idea.
  10. Your cries for attention are like a car alarm at 2 o’clock in the morning…….. People only notice it because it’s f*cking annoying.
  11. Ran into a PETA nut while walking my dogs. He said my dogs were my slaves. Wonder if he noticed I’m the one carrying their poop in a bag?
  12. I got this really cute girl’s number today. I’m starting to think that I should get into car accidents more often.
  13. You haven’t seen rage until you’ve witnessed a woman rip another woman’s wig off.
  14. You never know what you have until you log off Facebook.
  15. ”If he doesn’t hit you, he doesn’t love you.” – Rihanna
  16. Weirdoes seem to be drawn to me and if I let my guard down for just a moment, I get stuck with some fcuking idiot telling me their life story.
  17. I hate when people say ‘I’m a vegetarian except for fish.’ Right, and I’m a virgin except for all that sex I had.
  18. Single as a dollar and not looking for change.
  19. Keys, Wallet, Phone: Three things I’m happy to see after a night of drinking.
  20. The love of your life is just like the police: They’re never around when you need them the most.