Best WhatsApp Status

  1. It’s a good thing I’m not famous. I can’t even stand being recognized by people I DO know when I’m out in public.
  2. Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.
  3. I may not be right but I’m a beautiful piece of wrong.
  4. A good laugh and a long sleep are the best two cures for anything 🙂
  5. LADIES: So you are ordering the most expensive thing on the menu? You know that comes with d ick right?
  6. You ever wonder why it’s only women who need exorcisms?
  7. FACT: Friendships with coworkers are based on a mutual hatred for your jobs
  8. She is so ugly, how does she have a boyfriend? Maybe she has an amazing personality and her boyfriend isnt a judgmental cu$t like you..
  9. That awesome moment when the person you miss randomly texts you.♥
  10. Shaving your head when you’re going bald is the ultimate “You can’t fire me, I quit.”
  11. Honey Boo Boo’s mother has a boyfriend and you’re single. Just let that sink in..
  12. If you don’t like my status, don’t bother commenting on it.
  13. If at first you don’t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You’ll be amazed of much less you care..
  14. You know you’re lazy when you get excited about cancelled plans
  15. Life is short. Do as much damage as you can.
  16. Reading your best friends status and being like “Ha I know who that is about!” 🙂
  17. The only part I believed in the movie Titanic was when she wouldn’t move her fat ass over and let Jack on the raft with her.
  18. The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
  19. Love is…….having sex with someone when you’re sober.
  20. When I’m in the shower I let the water run down my arms so it looks like I’m shooting water out of my fingertips.