Best WhatsApp Status

  1. I’m not the grammar police, but I never realized just how stupid some of my friends are until FB…
  2. Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself
  3. I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute
  4. Baby, if you are reading this. Can you please bring me a beer?
  5. Just heard a woodpecker call me a “paranoid weirdo” in Morse code.
  6. Starbucks really isn’t that expensive, compared to what Victoria’s Secret charges per cup.
  7. Just checked my Farm-ville for the first time in a year. It’s now a Walmart.
  8. If you don’t want to be judged, then you have come to the wrong place! That’s what we use those thumbs for.
  9. Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
  10. Even with all the many different types of social media, nothing beats ignoring idiots in person.
  11. You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
  12. Computer technology used to be a lot tougher. Back when I was a teenager, mice had balls.
  13. I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like “Why are you licking me?”
  14. I am pretty sure I have regained my virginity.
  15. Don’t you hate when you meet someone attractive as hell with the personality of a wall? -.-
  16. Someone needs to remind men in their 40s that tucking the T-shirt into their jeans does not make them look any younger.
  17. I move that we as a society remove all warning labels and let natural selection do it’s thing.
  18. Have you ever seen a flock of geese flying in a V formation and wondered why one side is always longer than the other? It’s because there are more geese on that side.
  19. If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it’s not beauty.
  20. A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.