That walk of shame when you fail at throwing a ball of paper into the bin.
Some people are like trees, they take forever to grow up.
A bad picture of you, and your automatic response is: “Don’t put that on Facebook!”
Hates when I post a status and get 6 “likes” then a friend steals it and gets 50. I think I need a better class of friends…
Keep getting mixed up between claustrophobia and homophobia. Which is the one about being in the closet?
Exits Facebook, closes laptop, crawls into bed… unlocks phone, gets back on Facebook.
The awkward moment when you have to stare at a text for five minutes to figure out how to reply.
LIKE if you’ve searched for something then realized that it was in your hands the whole time.
My attitude is based on how you treat me.
Feeling like an idiot when someone is yelling your name and you can’t find them.
Life isn’t about net worth. It’s about self worth.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally………..Listen,, I don’t make the rules people.
Just saw a t-shirt that said “It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean” which translated to “Hey, I’ve got a small pen!s and a stupid shirt.”
Why do the people that should never reproduce have the most kids?
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
You know your ass is ugly when you’re the one always asked to take the photo.
Twilight. A love triangle between a mentally handicapped girl, a disco ball, and a hairy pedophile.
If the TV show “Cops” has taught me anything, it’s to stay away from people with blurry faces……. they always seem to attract trouble…….
I was talking to this girl at the bar last night and she said, ”If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and a haircut, you’d look civilized and I would talk to you”. And I said, ”If I did all that then I would be talking to your hotter friend”
Bikinis expose 90% of a woman’s body, but men are so decent and well-behaved that they only look at the 10% that is covered.