Best WhatsApp Status

  1. Kids, try dealing with bullies the way I did: Grow up to be smarter, wealthier and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.
  2. There’s a difference between who we love, who we settle for, and who we’re meant for.
  3. The saddest people in the world always seem to be the nicest.
  4. There are the same number of people on Facebook today as there were people in the whole world in 1804
  5. When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months
  6. There’s always that one person you regret giving your number to.
  7. 30 years ago my wife got a tattoo of a horse head on her boob, it now looks like a giraffe
  8. I’ve learned so much from my mistakes…I’m gonna make a few more.
  9. If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna make damn sure everyone knows my street name: Butthole Teeth.
  10. Relying on the Facebook to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds.
  11. If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
  12. The only worse thing than ‘the one that got away’ is the one that won’t leave me alone.
  13. Warning Ladies: Alcohol may cause the following side effects: 1. Compulsive giggling. 2. Delusions of awesomeness. 3. Temporary lesbianism.
  14. One of the guys that dated Taylor Swift should write a song called, “Maybe You’re The Problem.”
  15. October is breast cancer awareness month. So I stare, ladies…. cuz I care
  16. Happy Birthday to John Lennon who would have turned 72 today….Imagine!
  17. Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn’t even listening to you.
  18. Me: Where is my superwoman? Her: Aaaw! Am in the kitchen babe;) Me: Typo, I meant where is my supper, woman.
  19. Dear coworkers, I am never going to eat anything you cooked and brought in. I’ve seen the quality of your work here and I value my life.
  20. This isn’t a bakery, I don’t sugar coat anything!