Best WhatsApp Status

  1. To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1. You tried your best. 2. I don’t like onions on my Big Mac.
  2. I wonder how many times that fat kid on Adam’s Family locked himself in the bathroom with a playboy and that freaky hand thing?!?!
  3. Hey, if you stay really quiet and listen very, very closely, You can hear the beautiful sound of you shutting the f$ck up.
  4. If I had $100 for every time I read something interesting on my Facebook feed, I’d be very poor.
  5. When we were kids, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on our foreheads.
  6. That thing where hypnotists snap their fingers and people fall asleep? Do they make that for kids?
  7. Steven Tyler looks like a zombie crawling out of a drag queen’s hamper.
  8. Oh, you’re a model? What’s your agency? Instagram
  9. Life isn’t about net worth. It’s about self worth.
  10. If words could kill, I’d sentence you to death.
  11. If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it has really low self esteem and you should exploit that for sexual favor.
  12. Why did the Arab cross the road? I thought to myself as I stepped on the gas.(╮°-°)╮
  13. When I was a kid I thought room service was for rich people. Now I realize it’s for lazy, hungover people who can’t find their pants.
  14. You don’t know this but right after you leave the restaurant with your crying baby the rest of us applaud.
  15. I’m sorry I jumped on you, from a distance you looked like a conclusion.
  16. That woman’s husband on the cover of TIME looks awfully young.
  17. I spent most of my childhood terrified that the rhythm was going to get me.
  18. I attribute my great patience to all the dial up porn I watched in the 90s
  19. If weddings were for couples there would be men’s wedding magazines.
  20. When a woman gets the security guard and points at you; that means she’s interested right?