Best WhatsApp Status

  1. Women are like fine wines; you can try to sell them at auctions, but Liam Neeson will find you, and he will kill you.
  2. Stevie Wonder’s nephew was charged with trying to extort his famous uncle….I guess Stevie never saw that coming!
  3. The pretty girl may get the husband….but the nice girl gets the best man.
  4. Relationships are like garage sales: At a distance it looks like it could be interesting…up close it’s just a ton s$it you don’t need!
  5. My ex assured me that size never matter, but all of her dild@s look like they needed a lamp shade on top.
  6. If you love someone, hold on to them. Stop setting people free. They’ll just go and fcuk someone else.
  7. Men think about sex every seven seconds. The rest of the time is spent trying to come with a lie when a woman asks, “What are you thinking?”
  8. You know you are in the ‘hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
  9. Being a virgin these days is something to be proud of; you’re like a unicorn.
  10. The worst = telling an awesome story and realizing halfway through that you should not be telling it to that person.
  11. We all used Facebook out of curiosity and it ended as an addiction.
  12. When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
  13. Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
  14. BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
  15. I think the show ” America’s Got Talent ” Should have a question mark at the end of it
  16. Epic failure on my cooking tonight, even the dog took one bite and licked his ass afterwards to get the taste out of his mouth.
  17. I was at the pool earlier and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
  18. Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
  19. One mans trash is another mans girlfriend
  20. Reflections in this mirror may be distorted by socially constructed ideas of ‘beauty’