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- Sorry to hear about Donna Summer….She worked hard for the money!
- BREAKING NEWS – Bomb disposal experts in Brazil had to evacuate a sold out Lady Gaga concert due to a suspicious package on stage…..
- Just once, I’d like to see a judge take the verdict slip from the jury, look at it, and then turn and say, “ARE YOU SHlT’N ME?!”
- For $38 a share, you can own a piece of Facebook. I want to buy that thumbs-up “like button”. Anyone want to share that cost?
- Facebook: A social media website that will continually remind you how stupid some of your “friends” really are…
- My birthday suit used to fit much better than this…
- The boss phoned and yelled “Are you still asleep?…. You should have been here two hours ago!” I said “Why… what happened two hours ago?”
- Have narrowed my list of “Greatest Things In The World” down to: 1) A perfect ass 2) Tits 3) A perfect ass with t*ts on it and a side of bacon
- Other than butt sex and chapped lips, I have no fcuking clue as to what else Vaseline® is used for.
- Well I tried watching the eclipse but the damn moon was in the way!
- This girl at a coffee bar came up to me and said I was kinda cute. Kinda? Well, thanks, you sort of fat b!tch.
- Zuckerberg got married yesterday. I hope when they get divorced… she takes half of the assholes on my friends list with her!
- What if I am sexy and I don’t know it?
- If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position… more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
- Word of the day: Exhaustipated. Just too tired to give a sh!!t.
- Go down a water-slide when it isn’t wet and then you’ll understand the importance of foreplay.
- I’m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he’ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
- You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives here.
- Was gonna deactivate my Facebook..but I thought I’d be so proud of myself I’d wanna put it as my status..so I thought it was no point! 🙂
- Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn,, went to 2 Birthday parties,, ran 6 miles,, then told a BUNCH of lies on Facebook.