Best WhatsApp Status

  1. Sorry to hear about Donna Summer….She worked hard for the money!
  2. BREAKING NEWS – Bomb disposal experts in Brazil had to evacuate a sold out Lady Gaga concert due to a suspicious package on stage…..
  3. Just once, I’d like to see a judge take the verdict slip from the jury, look at it, and then turn and say, “ARE YOU SHlT’N ME?!”
  4. For $38 a share, you can own a piece of Facebook. I want to buy that thumbs-up “like button”. Anyone want to share that cost?
  5. Facebook: A social media website that will continually remind you how stupid some of your “friends” really are…
  6. My birthday suit used to fit much better than this…
  7. The boss phoned and yelled “Are you still asleep?…. You should have been here two hours ago!” I said “Why… what happened two hours ago?”
  8. Have narrowed my list of “Greatest Things In The World” down to: 1) A perfect ass 2) Tits 3) A perfect ass with t*ts on it and a side of bacon
  9. Other than butt sex and chapped lips, I have no fcuking clue as to what else Vaseline® is used for.
  10. Well I tried watching the eclipse but the damn moon was in the way!
  11. This girl at a coffee bar came up to me and said I was kinda cute. Kinda? Well, thanks, you sort of fat b!tch.
  12. Zuckerberg got married yesterday. I hope when they get divorced… she takes half of the assholes on my friends list with her!
  13. What if I am sexy and I don’t know it?
  14. If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position… more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
  15. Word of the day: Exhaustipated. Just too tired to give a sh!!t.
  16. Go down a water-slide when it isn’t wet and then you’ll understand the importance of foreplay.
  17. I’m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he’ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
  18. You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives here.
  19. Was gonna deactivate my Facebook..but I thought I’d be so proud of myself I’d wanna put it as my status..so I thought it was no point! 🙂
  20. Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn,, went to 2 Birthday parties,, ran 6 miles,, then told a BUNCH of lies on Facebook.