Tom Cruise Jokes

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are divorcing and of course that means that Twitter and the Internet have exploded with jokes about their divorce and just how tragic Tom Cruise really is.

“Katie Holmes is Divorcing Tom Cruise. Apprently he’d been in A Few Good Men.”

“Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes finally decided that pretending to be in love was ‘Mission: Impossible’.”

“I was arguing with Tom Cruise about scientology. He said, ‘Try to see it from my point of view’. So I knelt down.”

“BREAKING: Katie Holmes cites Tom’s building of a space ship made from aluminium foil in living room as reason for divorce.”

“Tom Cruise wants to raise his kid as a Scientologist, and Katie Holmes wants to raise her as a Catholic. Either way this kid is screwed.”

“Oh, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting divorced? I bet Oprah’s couch is thrilled.”

Nice trade

The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “Nice pigs, sir “.
The president replied, “These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea. ”
The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, “Nice trade, sir. “

George Bush goes to a primary school

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.  After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is? “Bob”. “And what is your question, Bob?”
“I have 3 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh that’s right — question time. Who has a question?”
A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is?
Steve”
“And what is your question, Steve?”
“I have 5 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?! And fifth, Where is “Bob”?!!