The wife had the cheek to call me a lazy cunt today… I was right in the middle of taking down the Christmas decorations..
I finally found the true meaning of Xmas today. It’s for people who can’t spell Christmas.
I’m not saying the wife’s ugly, but last Christmas she stood under the mistletoe waiting for someone to kiss her and she was still there at Lent.
Yesterday is History Tomorrow a Mystery Today is a Gift That’s why it’s called the Present You know your family is poor as fuck when all you get for Christmas is a metaphor
Ollie gives Lena a new cell phone for Christmas. The next day she’s at Wal-Mart and the phone rings. Ollie is on the phone and asks her how she likes her new cell phone. … … Lena replies, “Great, Ollie but how did ya know I vas at da Wal-Mart?!