“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” Said my late wife.
My uncle always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” One day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my uncle.
“How did you lose your hands?”, asked a bloke in the pub. “I stole a fish in the Middle East”, I replied, “it was so big that I couldn’t run fast enough and they caught me.” “How big was it?” he said. I held my arms out wide and said, “A bit bigger than that.”
I was standing in a queue when the Scouser next to me whispered, “Would you like to buy a Rolex?” “Let me see it first,” I replied. “Shh, not so loud,” he said, “the bloke in front of us is wearing it.”
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect. Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.