As a child: ‘You are grounded. ‘ As an adult: ‘Your package will be delivered between 8 am and 6 pm. ‘
As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero. The Invisible Man.
My grandpa told me “All you kids do these days is play video games”… “When I was your age”, he continued, “my buddies and I went to Paris, We went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, pissed on the bartender and didn’t pay for my drinks all night!” The grandson … Read more
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, … Read more
I was at a family barbecue this past weekend and my great grandma started giggling… When I asked her what was so funny, she said, “Everyone here is alive because I got laid.”