Sorting The Wardrobe

“What’re you doing, love?” I asked the wife as she waddled into the living room, arms piled high with clothes. “Sorting out my wardrobe.” She replied. “I’m throwing these away, they’re all either too big or too small.” My money’s on small.

Don’t Butter Me Up

“Don’t you try and butter me up.”, hissed the missus while standing in the doorway. “Sorry, I was just trying to help.” She spat, “If you really want to help, you’ll find another fucking way to get me unstuck.”