2 stuffed dogs

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow.

The presenter said, “This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?”

“Sticks!” Paddy replied.

10 Minutes

Paddy and Murphy are on holiday and are running out of money when they see a sign that reads “Spend 10 minutes in a room with a million flies and earn £200”.

So Murphy goes in first and spends 1 minute in the room before running out yelling “Fuck that, I can’t breathe, them fuckin flies are in my mouth!” …”You’ll never do it.

Paddy”…Paddy says”No sweat, Murph, get me in there”..So Paddy goes in and spends the full 10 minutes in the room then comes out…

Murphy says”Fuckin hell Paddy!! How the fuck did ya do that?”…

Paddy says “Easy Murph, I done a shit in one corner and sat in the other!”.

Disability Pension

Two Irishman went down for a disability pension, they were pretending to be deaf, in order to get disability money from the government.
The next day they have to go to the hearing centre for their test, The first Irishman walks into the office, the man sat at his desk said “Hello, come in, shut the door behind you”
He shut the door and went to take a seat. The man said “Get out, you ain’t deaf, I just asked you to shut the door behind you and you shut it, you can hear perfectly fine, out get out!”
On his way out he says to the second one in the waiting room “Now whatever you do, don’t shut that door, he’s trying to trick you”
So the second one walked in, the man said “Shut the door behind you”
He said “Shut it your fucking self!”