Disability Pension

Two Irishman went down for a disability pension, they were pretending to be deaf, in order to get disability money from the government. The next day they have to go to the hearing centre for their test, The first Irishman walks into the office, the man sat at his desk said “Hello, come in, shut … Read more

Falling Out

Mick and paddy were on a plane. Halfway through the flight, Mick said,”if this plane were to turn upside down do you think we’d fall out?”. Paddy says,”nah, we’d still be mates”

In Blazes

An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar.. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke. When asked about how the fire started the man says “damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got ‘ere!”

The Bill

The plumber said, ” why haven’t you paid the bill for the work I did last Friday”. Paddy replied,” well it was not what you quoted” The plumber said, ” I didn’t give you a quote”. Paddy replied ” when I asked what day could you come you said you were free on Friday”

Paddy’s Barbecue

Paddy goes into a builder’s yard and orders 20,000 bricks. “May I ask what you’re building?” asks the man behind the counter. “Yes, it’s going to be a barbecue.” “That’s a lot of bricks just for one barbecue,” he says. Paddy says “Not really – I live on the 18th floor.”