Women are a lot like video games. When they get too difficult, you have to cheat.
On January 1st I joked to my girlfriend we haven’t had sex all year. It’s getting less funnier each day I tell her.
Whenever my wife starts singing around the house I immediately go into the yard. That way the neighbors know I’m not hitting her.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date.. So after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents’ house
Eskimos have over thirty words for ‘snow.’ That’s nothing, my wife has over 100 words for ‘Fuck off I’ve got a headache.’