Jenny The Horse

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.

“What was that for?” the man asked.

The wife replied “That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket”.

The man then said “When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on”

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.  Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife replied. “Your horse phoned”

 

 

Who wears the pants?

Larry was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, ‘Larry, let me tell you something… on my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, here – try these on.
She did and said, ‘These are too big, I can’t wear them.
I replied, ‘Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.’ Ever since that night we never had any problems.
‘Hmmm,’ said Larry. He thought that might be a good thing to try, so on his honeymoon, Larry took off his pants and said to Karen, ‘here – try these on.
She tried them on and said, ‘These are too large, they don’t fit me.
Larry said, ‘Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don’t want you to ever forget that.
Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Larry. She said, ‘Here-you try on mine.
He did and said, ‘I can’t get into your pants.
Karen said, ‘Exactly, and if you don’t change your smart ass attitude, you never will.

Larry

Who the hell is ‘Larry’??? Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and,
Linda , his wife says,’where the hell have u been?’
Larry replies, ‘I was out getting a tattoo.’
Linda frowning: ‘A tattoo? what kind of tattoo did u get?’
Larry: ‘I got a Hundred dollar bill on my private’.
Linda shaking her head in disgust: ‘what the hell are you thinking? why on earth woud an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his private?’
Larry: ‘Well one, I like to watch my money grow. Two- once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, u can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.’

One of the best

Ok I found this joke a while ago and loved it..it’s a ? bit long but worth it ..it will help you understand and a basic problem most couples have.

One evening last week my girlfriend and I were getting into bed, well the passion starts to heat up and she eventually says ‘ I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.’

I said ‘WHAT?? what was that ?

So she says the words thy every boyfriend dreads to hear..

‘your just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man..

She responded to my puzzled look by saying ‘Cant you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom.’

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her, we went to a nice lunch then went shopping at a big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits, she couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we would just buy all of them.. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes so I said ‘let’s get a pair for each outfit..

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.. Let me tell you, she was soo excited .. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis..

I think I threw her for a loop when I said that’s fine honey.. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement.. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said ‘ I think this I all hun, let’s go to the cashier’

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ‘ no honey, I don’t feel like it’.

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled ‘WHAT’

I then said ‘ Honey I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. Your just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman..

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added ‘ Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you’

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.. But atleast the bitch knows I’m smarted than her ..

What you think?? ?