Blonde 33

I was just viewing a woman’s profile on a dating website,

‘Blonde 33 From London Great Personality 5ft 3 Green Eyes.’

Don’t get me wrong, I got nothing against short women, but, 3 green eyes?

No wonder she’s single.

The Violin and The Painting

One day a man hears that a distant uncle passed away.
.
He’s a little sad, but only a little, for they barely knew each other. Then, a few days later, a package arrives. It contains his inheritance from the estate: A violin and a painting. He has no idea what to do with them. After pondering the matter, he takes them to an appraiser.

Not too long later the appraiser calls him: “I’ve finished my analysis, and I’ve got some good news. There’s no doubt at all that what you have is a genuine Van Gogh and a genuine Stradivarius.”

The man is ecstatic: “I can sell these for millions!” The appraiser says “Well, you can sell them, and they’ll fetch some money for their novelty value. But not millions.

You see, the truth is, Stradivarius wasn’t much of a painter… and Van Gogh made lousy violins.”

Patong Nudist Beach

“Did you have a good holiday in Thailand Dave?”
“Amazing. Check out these photos of us at the Patong nudist beach.”
“I love your Thai girlfriend, she looks tiny next to you.”
“Thanks but to be fair, she had just been swimming.”