is this snake poisonous

A boy scout says to his scout leader, “Sir, is this snake poisonous?”

The scout leader says, “No, that snake’s not poisonous at all.” So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror…

The scout leader says, “But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let’s get it right next time, boys.”

huge disadvantage

‘I just feel like being black is a huge disadvantage no matter how much skill you have ‘ said my friend.

‘oh come on, it’s just one move at the start of the game’ I responded as I took his Knight.

Don’t ask

As I was leaving for work this morning my neighbour asked, “How’s it going? ”

“Don’t ask”, I replied.

“That bad?” He said.

“No, I don’t want to talk to you”.

fuck all

A judge asks a surly defendant if he has anything to say for himself.
The defendant mutters, “fuck all.”

“What did you say?” asks the judge.

The court clerk turns to the judge and says, “the defendant said, “fuck all”, your honour.”

“Really?” replies the judge, “I could have sworn I saw his lips move.”