Walking Economy

I just realised, I’m a walking Economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of the two is putting me into a deep depression!

Extreme Old Age

A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age.

and the reporter asks “do you think there’s any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?”

The old man thinks for a second and says “you know, I’m not sure. Let me go ask my dad”.

And the reporter, stunned, stammers “y-your dad? Where is he right now??” and the old man says “I think he’s out fishing with my grandpa”.

Changing Priorities

Life is about changing perspectives and priorities:

I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don’t care if they both are.

Football in Heaven

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s football there.”

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed,” Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike–Mike.”
“Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”
“Mike–it’s me, Joe.”
“You’re not Joe. Joe just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.

“The good news,” Joe says,” is that there’s football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired.”

That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?

“You’re in the team for this Saturday’s match!”