Margret & Bert

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, are in Wyoming – Bert always
wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he
buys them and wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house
and says to his wife: ‘Notice anything different about me?’

Margaret looks him over, ‘Nope.’
Frustrated, Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks Back
into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks, a
little louder this time, ‘Notice anything different NOW?’

Margaret looks up and says, ‘ Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging Down
today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again
tomorrow.’

Furious, Bert yells, ‘AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?’

‘Nope’, she replies.

‘IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!’

Margaret replies… ‘Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.’

Senior Citizens

At a Senior Citizen’s luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish.
Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.
The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.
They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, ‘Do you want to go up or down?’
All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!
When they finished, the man couldn’t believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he’d had in years.
They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.  He again asked the lady, ‘Up or down ?’
There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.
This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day!
She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, ‘Up or down?’
The woman replied, ‘Down.’
A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, ‘Up or down?’
She replied, ‘Up.’
This really confused the gentleman so he asked,  ‘What’s the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!’
She replied, ‘Well, yesterday I wasn’t wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were ‘f**k’ or ‘drown’.’

Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead.””