What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond? The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
I put “Shape of You” by Ed Sheeran as my 6:30 alarm. Now I wake up at 5:00 so that I don’t have to hear it.
I said to my wife, “When I die, I’d like to die having sex.” She said, “At least we know it’ll be quick.”
I’m a big fan of the art form of mime. Whenever I see a mime artist performing in the town square, I always make sure I put my hand in my pocket and throw in some invisible money.
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, “Don’t you see the sign? It says, ‘Private property – Stay Out!’” The golfer says, “I’m sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have … Read more