Hand Jobs

I asked a prostitute..

“How Much For A Hand Job?”

Lady: “50..Do You Want One Honey?”

I: “No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self”

In Proportion

A women walks up to me in a bar and says, “Do you mind me asking how tall you are?”

“I’m 6 foot 1 inch,” I replied.

“Wow.. That’s very tall. Now.. Tell me… Is everything in proportion?” she asks, with a wink.

“Unfortunately not,” I said, shaking my head. “If everything was in proportion, I’d be 8 foot 9.”