(18+) Words of Wisdom

Always marry a woman with small palms.
It makes your d**k look bigger!

Life without friends is like boobs without nipples…
POINTLESS!

Screw a girl & she’ll love you…

Love a girl & she’ll screw you!

All those who proclaim that a dog is man’s best friend,
Have never played with a p**sy.

The irony of oral sex is that even when you have her at your feet,
she’s got you by the balls.

 

Sensitivity

What’s the most sensitive part of your body while masturbating?

Your ears because you’re listening for footsteps

Strange Noises

A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises coming from his parents’ room, so he decided to investigate. As he entered his parents’ bedroom, he was shocked to see his mum and dad shagging for all they were worth.

“Dad!” he shouted, “What are you doing?”

“It’s OK son”, replied his father. “Your mother wants to have another baby, that’s all”.

The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face.

Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother on her knees sucking furiously on his father’s penis. “Dad!”, he shouted, “What are you doing now?”.

“Son, there’s been a slight change in plans”, his dad replied. “Now she wants a BMW”

Ed Zachary Disease

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid that there might be something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist, so she did.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, take off all you crose.”

The woman did as she was told.

Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room.”
Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, “OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me.”

So she did.

Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, “Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, dat why you not
haf sex or dates.” Confused, the woman asked, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what
is Ed Zachary disease?”

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, “Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.”