I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day. Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.
It’s so cold….. I had to stick my finger up my arse just to poke my willy out!
Walking my dog today when this moody old woman shouts “you better pick that up” She didnt even give me a chance to wipe my arse.
My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my phone. I said, “It’s for sound effects during sex.” He asked, “Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?” I replied, “No, I work in a morgue.”
Just finished work and am going home to the wife to put my feet up… I remember when we first met and i struggled to get 2 fingers up