Microscopes

Man: Hey sir! Could I interest you in a microscope?

Customer: No thanks, I’d have no use. Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!

Customer: I can’t read this, it’s too small! Man: Boy have I got the product for you!

Turtle Fishing

A man is sitting on the bank of a river with a turtle.

And an officer from the fisheries board approached him. The officer says to the man “do you know it’s illegal to poach turtles out of this river – they’re an endangered species”?

The man says to the officer, “no this is my pet turtle. I bring him down here everyday and let him go for a swim. He swims across the river and back”.

“Bullshit” the officer replies. So the man places the turtle in the water and says “watch this”. The turtle swims out and the two men are standing there waiting.

Ten minutes goes past and the officer says “well where’s the turtle?”.

The man replies – “what turtle”?

1 Big Mac

I walked into McDonald’s today.

I said to the cashier, “I’ve got no money on me, but I would like to buy a big mac meal please.”

She looked me in the eyes and said, “With what?”

I said, “A coke.”