Resourceful Woman

A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time. She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.

She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
“Honey, you won’t believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant”

Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..

Dollar for a Dirty Joke

I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said “1 dollar for dirty joke.” Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?”
Me: “John”
Homeless man: “So Johnny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have.”
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?”
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?”
Me: “Two?”
Homeless man: “Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?”
Me: “I don’t know? A lot?”
Homeless man: “Well Johnny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy.”

Dove And The Donkey

A university student wanted to sit next to his professor at break time.

However, the teacher regarded the student with a haughty face and said:

“A dove should not be friends with a donkey.”

“Then I shall fly on” the student replied with a cheeky smile.

The teacher was clearly annoyed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student in his exams.

In the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had incredible answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:

“You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?”

“The gold.”

“I don’t agree. I would choose cleverness, because that’s more important than money.”

“Everyone would choose what they don’t have” says the student.

The teacher turns red, and he is so outraged he writes “ass” on the student’s paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:

“Excuse me sir, you did sign my paper, but you forgot to give my grade!”

Just Imagine

Interviewer : “Just imagine you’re in the 20th floor of a building and it’s on fire. How will you escape?”

“It’s simple.. I will just stop my imagination.”