Lotto Numbers

I’ll never forget the day, 26th March 2015. A spaceship landed and I was approached by an alien who gave me six numbers.

“Use these on your lotto, ” he said, “I will return in one week, please be here. ” So I rushed off and used the numbers on the lottery. They were shit, not a fucking penny. So I went to the meeting place a week later and sure enough the craft landed again and the alien approached me, “Well I said, those numbers were a waste of time, what the fuck was all that about?”

“We’ve been studying your language and customs for many years now, ” replied the alien, “April fool you cunt.”

Kick of a Thousand Exploding Suns

A Kung Fu student in ancient China goes to meet his wise old master. He says:
“Master, I keep trying but I cannot do the Kick of a Thousand Exploding Suns. Help me Master!”
His master gives him an anecdote.
“Have you seen the waves of the ocean crashing into the white cliffs while the sun sets, with no apparent purpose to them?”
“Yes Master”
“And have you seen the moon reflect upon the still surface of the lake, a mere reflection, and contemplate the meaning of it?”
“Yes Master”
“And have you seen the flocks of birds flying across the sky at sunset, and wonder about their purpose in life?”
“Yes Master”
“That’s your problem! You keep looking at useless shit instead of practicing!”