Some women are like magnets. You’re attracted to them until they turn around.
For last year’s birthday treat I took my wife to London for the weekend and we visited Madame Tussaud’s. While walking through the chamber of horrors, the curator came over to me and said, ‘Excuse me Sir, would you mind asking your wife to keep moving, as we’re doing a stock take’.
I took a bird back to my house the other night. “Why are all of these photos turned the other way?” she asked, confused. “They’re pictures of my wife,” I replied. “They’re just too painful to look at.” “Oh, I’m sorry,” she stammered, “I didn’t know. How did it happen, if you don’t mind me … Read more
A fat, ugly, cross-eyed, girl came dancing up next to me at a party. “So, where are you from, handsome?” she smiled. I said, “Earth, what about you?”
As the doctor went through my notes, he said, “The surgery has risks. You will almost certainly regain the sight in your eyes but there is a chance it will affect your ability to maintain an erection.” I said, “How come?” He said, “Well … your wife is very ugly.”