Although my girlfriend is addicted to smack she’s still so beautiful. Those lips, those eyes, that tooth…
I phoned my wife today and said, “Pack a bag dear, I’ve booked us into a hotel for a few nights.” “Ooh, why’s that?” she asked. I said, “Well I’ve been playing poker all day, haven’t I!” “Really?” she asked again in excitement, “How much have you won?” “Nothing,” I replied. “I’ve lost the house.”
I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.
Every cigarette you smoke takes five minutes off your life. According to my calculations, I should have died in 1879.