Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. She is so ugly, how does she have a boyfriend? Maybe she has an amazing personality and her boyfriend isnt a judgmental cu$t like you..
  2. That awesome moment when the person you miss randomly texts you.♥
  3. Shaving your head when you’re going bald is the ultimate “You can’t fire me, I quit.”
  4. Honey Boo Boo’s mother has a boyfriend and you’re single. Just let that sink in..
  5. If you don’t like my status, don’t bother commenting on it.
  6. If at first you don’t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You’ll be amazed of much less you care..
  7. You know you’re lazy when you get excited about cancelled plans
  8. Life is short. Do as much damage as you can.
  9. Reading your best friends status and being like “Ha I know who that is about!” 🙂
  10. The only part I believed in the movie Titanic was when she wouldn’t move her fat ass over and let Jack on the raft with her.
  11. The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
  12. Love is…….having sex with someone when you’re sober.
  13. When I’m in the shower I let the water run down my arms so it looks like I’m shooting water out of my fingertips
  14. When you’re happy, you enjoy the music. But when you’re sad, you understand the lyrics
  15. Some lady just told me that she was terrible at math and that she flunked “algeber”. I’m sure she excelled in English class though.
  16. I use my birthday as an excuse to do whatever the hell I want. So basically it’s just like every other day, except with presents.
  17. For years doctors thought I was autistic but turns out that I’m just an a$$hole.
  18. How was I supposed to know she was ugly? She had boobs.
  19. When I meet someone with their pet, I have a much easier time remembering the pet’s name than the owners.
  20. When I’m at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What’s your most frequently photographed entree?”