Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. If you don’t want to be judged, then you have come to the wrong place! That’s what we use those thumbs for.
  2. Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
  3. Even with all the many different types of social media, nothing beats ignoring idiots in person.
  4. You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
  5. Computer technology used to be a lot tougher. Back when I was a teenager, mice had balls.
  6. I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like “Why are you licking me?”
  7. I am pretty sure I have regained my virginity.
  8. Don’t you hate when you meet someone attractive as hell with the personality of a wall? -.-
  9. Someone needs to remind men in their 40s that tucking the T-shirt into their jeans does not make them look any younger.
  10. I move that we as a society remove all warning labels and let natural selection do it’s thing.
  11. Have you ever seen a flock of geese flying in a V formation and wondered why one side is always longer than the other? It’s because there are more geese on that side.
  12. If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it’s not beauty.
  13. A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
  14. Compromising with a woman doesn’t mean you are wrong and she is right.. . it only means that Sex is more important than your Ego
  15. Not sure if I’m actually learning in class. Or have I just learned how to pass classes over the years?
  16. Just remember that whatever you put up with, you end up with.
  17. All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
  18. Some people say, “Facebook me” while others say, “Follow me.” But, I miss the classic, “blow me.”
  19. I’m always very flattered and humbled when I get an invitation on Facebook from someone I don’t know, to attend something I never heard of, along with about 12,000 other people.
  20. It’s just a matter of time before they add the word “Syndrome” after my last name.