Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. So.. your changing your iPhone 4 just for a half inch?? Hope your girlfriend doesn’t do the same…
  2. The new apple map is totally futuristic, its like what the world is gonna look like after 2012 apocalypse.
  3. Android > BlackBerry > Nokia > Fax > Land phone > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > iPhone with iOS 6
  4. Got a free iPad and iPhone today. It’s like this gun is magic.
  5. Just had a near-death experience; almost used the wrong toothbrush.
  6. Blood makes you related but loyalty makes you family
  7. If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
  8. If you can’t tell thousands of strangers, who can you tell? – Facebook
  9. I’m only guilty of flirtation. If that’s a crime frisk me.
  10. Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they’re telling me that I’m doing a great job driving.
  11. Knowledge is my weapon of choice in a battle of wits. I see you brought ignorance. This is gonna be a massacre!
  12. If you’re on the treadmill next to me, the answer is “Yes. We are racing.”
  13. For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
  14. When my wife picks a restaurant that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
  15. I used to hate making mistakes. Then I realized they’ve taught me almost everything I know.
  16. My brain during the day: I need a nap…. My brain at night: I wonder why the Earth was placed exactly here & allowed us to sustain human life….
  17. “Ahh I love my boyfriend sooo much!” -FB status of every girl…then 1 week later “Don’t make someone a priority when you’re only an option”
  18. I would make a bad parent… my kid would say “I dont wanna go 2 school I just wanna sleep” & I’d probably get in bed with them and say “I feel you”
  19. I’m Fat. I don’t wanna Sugarcoat it because i’ll eat that too 😐
  20. I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…