Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. Keep scrolling, you’ll find your next Facebook status sooner or later.
  2. I’m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn’t work out.
  3. “I faked all my LOLs.” -A Facebook romance comes to a dramatic end.
  4. I wish the buck stopped with me…I could use a few.
  5. My girlfriend wanted a serious relationship. Now we don’t smile at each other.
  6. Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.
  7. HILARIOUS PRANK: Create a system where people pay thousands of dollars to go to college, to get a job, to pay for having gone to college.
  8. As long as it comes with great packaging, there’s nothing wrong with inner beauty.
  9. I found some dignity. If no one claims it in 24 hours, I’m keeping it.
  10. I am not a mind reader…Please adjust your communication skills accordingly.
  11. You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
  12. Thanks for posting 300 photos of your baby on Facebook… also thanks for reminding me to buy condoms.
  13. Cops sent me a picture of me speeding through a red light so I sent them a picture of a check. Hope we’re even.
  14. I hate it when I’m laughing and my ass falls off.
  15. My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
  16. Hug a tree. Then rub your hands along it’s trunk and tell it how knotty it is.
  17. Waitress: ‘Do u have any questions about the menu?’ Me: ‘What kind of font is this?’
  18. Put your boobs back in your shirt, smile instead of doing that duck face and put your middle finger down. Have some self-respect.
  19. Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
  20. How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?