Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. Life’s too short to wake up in a bad mood- I save mine until I get to work.
  2. You can’t have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight.
  3. If you want to call a family meeting just turn off the wifi router and wait in the room in which it is located
  4. It’s not considered an accessory if your Chihuahua is prettier than you are.
  5. B*tch, you’re not high maintenance. A Ferrari is high maintenance. You’re just a pain in the ass, like an old Pinto.
  6. Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn’t need if you’d stayed single.
  7. Always believe in God because there are some questions even Google can’t answer!
  8. Worst pick up line: “Hey girl, quit acting like North Korea and blow me already”
  9. I think a man with a helmet defending his country should make more money than a man with a helmet on defending a football.
  10. Oral sex does not mean talking about it.
  11. Wish you can stay in bed and work? Do what I do… Become a prostitute.
  12. One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
  13. Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance…. Please initial here and sign here.
  14. Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up.
  15. I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
  16. Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
  17. “Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
  18. I’m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
  19. I’m beginning to feel like I look in my driver’s license photo.
  20. There are 2 types of people: Those that think they are normal, and those that realize there is no such thing.