Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. I haven’t been able to stop crying since that stranger on the internet said that they didn’t like me…
  2. Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.
  3. Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn’t give them a progress report every week.
  4. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.
  5. I Have No Need For Google I Have Teenagers Who Know It All.
  6. My mom just texted me saying ‘Call me ASAP’. I think I’ll stick to calling her Mom.
  7. Running away doesn’t help you with your problems, unless you’re fat. Then yeah, run.
  8. If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
  9. Whoever said white men can’t jump has clearly never played Temple Run…
  10. Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
  11. The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
  12. Everyone’s so busy judging who gay people can marry, and yet not ONE of you stopped me from marrying the wrong guy. Thanks a lot a$$holes.
  13. Met Taylor Swift at the airport this morning and complimented her on her dress. Now she’s sitting in a tree outside my window in a wedding dress with a guitar….. This can’t be good!!!
  14. B*tch just because you got a instagram DONT make you a model
  15. If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cabBITCH.
  16. A cop stopped me & said “license please” so I offered him a donut & said “donut have one” & we laughed & laughed & I’m arrested..
  17. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
  18. I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
  19. I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
  20. I believe in hate at first sight.