Funny Facebook Statuses

  1. Ladies, stop complaining to us about how there are no good guys. If you want a good guy, chances are he’s the one you’re complaining to.
  2. That awkward moment when people are singing Happy Birthday to you & you desperately try to not make eye contact with anybody.
  3. Sometimes what is said is not what is meant and what is meant is left unsaid.
  4. Never look down on someone unless you’re helping them up.
  5. Gas stations should have happy hour.
  6. Considering that Iron Man and Batman’s only real superpower is being super rich and smart, Bill Gates turned out to be a real disappointment.
  8. I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems
  9. I puked in the backseat of my friend’s brand new Car in the Fall of 1989. There wasn’t any social networking back then, so I’m telling you now…
  10. What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your d*ck is hanging out!
  11. I’m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn’t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
  12. My friend David lost his ID. Now we just call him Dav.
  13. April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
  14. I promised my boss i’d come in early for work on monday Aint that a great April fool’s prank…..
  15. I’m pretty sure that my computer has just started accepting passwords that are “close enough.
  16. Who needs april fools my entire life is a joke!
  17. I promised my boss I’d come in early for work on Monday. Aint that a great April fool’s prank……
  18. I called my work this morning and said, “Sorry, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.” He said, “You have a wee cough?” I said, “Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!”
  19. Phone 1: why are you wearing glasses? … Phone 2: I lost my contacts.
  20. I can’t help being lazy. It walks in the family.